Identity Crisis II

This is just a take off from my previous blog...I felt like I had to explain what I was going through or rather what I am still facing with the problem of lost identity. Its not exactly a lost identity but a confused one..living in more than 6 cities in a span of twenty years does affect one's sense of belonging. Thanks to my Dad and his transfers!

Being born in Hyderabad, I was happily calling myself an andhrite for the initial few years in school. Then later realized my link with Hyderabad was only the yearly visit to my grandparent's house during summer vacations. With my Dad being a Tamil Nadu born confused Andhrite (TNBCA)..my telugu had a typical tamil accent. All my cousins had a good time teasing me with this...then I started feeling I was more a tamilian than a telugu. As years past by, I kept traveling to more places in Tamil Nadu and started living a life of a normal tamilian...watching Kollywood movies, listening tamil songs, and watching all tamil TV channels. My telugu got even worse...and I used to be scared to go to Hyderabad because of this. Since my Mom had a good andhra background, I used to have a constant dose of proper telugu culture. She even tried to teach me how to read and write my mother tongue but I always keep myself away from those twists and turns of the telugu letters! Since I took Hindi as my second language in all schools...just to know our national language and to avoid the risk of not knowing hindi incase my Dad got transferred to north, I never learnt to read or write tamil, the local language. But over the years I managed to read Tamil..thanks to all the movie posters stuck in ever corner of the street throughout the state.

Then came the day to pack our bags again, this time it was Bombay. A completely different city in every aspect. I initially hated the city because of the language problem. Though I knew hindi, speaking hindi was something different. I used to speak in my bookish hindi and my friends thought I was speaking Sanskrit! But I got over this problems in a couple of months and within six months I was a proper Mumbaiya. For Mumbaites, anyone coming from down south was termed 'Madrasi' They made royal fun of Madras and madrasis, and I always had debates with my friends proving that Madras had the best of everything in all fields and just because they don't speak hindi 'they' should not be teased. That 'they' tells you how much I got involved with the city..I loved the fast paced life of the city and I admired the fun loving attitude of the people. As I was transforming into a complete Mumbaiya, destiny strikes! Madras calling me..

Came to do my Undergrad in Madras and it took me one complete year to come out of the culture shock. Later started loving Madras, and I felt it was my Home Sweet Home! I had the best set of friends and had a great college life. One of our favorite topics of discussion was the same old debate regarding the attitude problem between north indians and south indians especially tamilians. I used to support the northies most of the time..because 'we' simply assume a lot of things about northies..which are actually not true since I've been around with 'them'. Again my usage of 'we' and 'them' tells you more about my confused identity.

So that's my story, supporting Goltis from Tamilians, hindikaaranga from Tamilians, madrasis from Andhrites and madrasis from Mumbaites. Now when I look back at this journey, I feel like I've seen so much in different cultures and moved around with people from radically different cultures. But whenever I face the haunting question, "where are you from?", I get slightly confused. Right now I feel I've found the answer, cause I've spend the majority of my life here and I simply love the city - its Madras namba Madras!

PS : Currently located in Delaware, USA..gypsying still continues across oceans!